She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
