Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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