even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
