Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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