Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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