he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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