Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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