walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
