its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
