Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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