Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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