Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
