I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
