Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
