I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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