we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
that is very illegal...i love you.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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