Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
