May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
