I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
