Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Come on in and take your pants off
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