hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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