I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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