im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
