And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
