OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
