So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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