Pappa wants mamma naked
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
