i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
