with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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