he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
