Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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