Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
