never play flip cup with pint glasses
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
