good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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