Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
