I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
