so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
