You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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