Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
