Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
