It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
