And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
