Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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