i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
