My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
