fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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