I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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