sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
My penis needs a shock collar
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
