I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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