sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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