my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
