I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
