As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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