Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
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